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The Neutron Cream Prank

nikki4noo:

So the cast have started to talk about the Neutron Cream Prank and I thought it might be timely to post this up in it’s entirety. This is Karl Urban at one of his talks in Melbourne last year, explaining in great detail what happened, including how gullible Benedict is. Enjoy :D

Q: I just wanted to ask, with Star Trek 2 were there any practical jokes being done while you weren’t filming?

Karl: Have you heard about that one?

Q: No I haven’t.

Karl: There was a joke played. On me. [laughter] So I guess you want to hear about it? Probably in the last week of shooting we were shooting on location in San Francisco and I was in New Zealand…[some Kiwi’s in the audience do a quiet woo! and Karl replies] Woo! And I flew back. Sorry I was in New Zealand, the home of the Rugby World Cup and I flew back. [laughter]

So, the boys had already been there all week and I land that night and they start talking and through the course of the conversation they talk about this public address announcement that they have to do, and I’m ‘what’s that?’.

‘Oh, it’s just ‘cause we were filming and it’s at this top secret lab facility, you know the type where they fire lasers and shit and do all this amazing stuff. ‘

And then they mentioned the fact that, they start talking about this neutron cream.

I’m like, ‘What neutron cream?’.

‘Oh, don’t worry about it?’

‘No, what’s this neutron cream?’ ‘

‘Well, it’s nothing to worry about but apparently this site that we are working at emits like a very low, low dose of radiation.’

I’m like [pulls a face and audience laughs] But I don’t worry about it ‘cause they’ve got the cream. The next day I’m sitting in my chair and I’m looking around and my makeup artist, she’s this beautiful 60 year old spanish woman and she makes me up and then she pulls out this little bowl of cream, which says neutron cream, and dabs dots all over my face.

I’m looking at her and going ‘where are your dots?

‘Oh, they gave us the pills.’ [laughter]

‘How come they aren’t giving me the pills?’

‘Because they make you a bit wheezy.’

So I’m, okay, 60 year old woman [laughter] I’ll buy that.

So we go up to the set, me and John Cho and it’s his last day of shooting and it actually is the last day of shooting, so I bump into him before we get onto set and he’s got dots all over his face too. We turn up to set and some of the other cast have a few dots too, so this is what it is. Before that actually—Oh, I’ve fucking screwed this story up a little bit.

Before I got the dots and I went into makeup we had this thing that is called a block through and we went into this space where the radiation is. Block throughs take about 20 minutes and that is where you figure out what you are going to do. This block through took an hour and a half! By the end of it I’m feeling ill cause I know I haven’t got my dots on. So I’m really not feeling well by this point. So we go up to set, and we start working through the day.

Then all of sudden the first AD, Scottish guy goes [very good Scottish accent] ‘Alright then, let’s shake it out, shake it out!’

And all the crew starts doing this. [Karl demonstrates the shaking to much mirth from the audience]

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And I’m like ‘what the fuck?’

‘Yeah, you’ve gotta do this to get the neutron, it helps get the radiation and the neutrons away.’

‘Oh, okay’ So you start shaking [audience pissing themselves laughing] Periodically during the day, I’m not feeling a bit well and I start shaking. [more laughter]

I subsequently find out that people are pissing themselves.

So every half an hour the first AD will stop and the whole crew will do this thing.

So then we break for lunch.

We come back from lunch and then it’s time to do this public service announcement and Zach Quinto and Chris Pine, they go first. They’ve got these huge billboards that they read. It’s talking about this facility, this NORAD facility that we worked at.

I remember at one point during I think Chris’ reading of the cue card he’s talking about, it was something like, ‘and despite what you might have heard about out there in the community this place is perfectly safe.’

And I’m thinking ‘what the hell is this place?’ [laughter] I’m actually a little bit pissed now. I don’t feel well, I feel woozy, I’ve got dots all over my face…[laughter]

Actually just to jump back a step cause I’m really good at telling stories, during the break they had me go and do press with dots all over my face! Talking on camera with dots all over my face! So then it’s John Cho and my turn to do the Public Service Announcement and we are making absolute dicks out of ourselves with this ‘hey, you have a good time at this radiation nuclear facility ’ and they are filming the whole thing and we are doing this address right down the barrel.

‘Most importantly, we just want you to realise when you come to this place make sure that it is important to know that…’ and they pull the card away and it’s ‘YOU’VE BEEN HAD’ [laughter and applause]

Yeah, they pissed themselves. The entire crew. We didn’t work for ten minutes ‘cause everyone was like [Karl cackles] Laughing their arses off. It was funny. The whole thing started, and I’m gonna get him back. It was Simon Pegg. [laughter]

The very first day Simon is sitting in his chair next to Pine and he goes, ‘Didya get your neutron cream?’

‘What, what neutron cream?’

‘You know there’s a little bit of radiation. Did you get your neutron cream?’

Pine starts like flipping out. It took about ten minutes that Pegg had Pine going that he thinks this place is…[laughter] and then they all come in on it and they think oh, that’s a good joke, so every time a new cast member comes in, the joke gets more and more elaborate.

Neutron chewing gum [laughter]

With Benedict Cumberbatch they made him sign a declaration [laughter] They did! They made him sign a declaration of secrecy about this place. He just signed it.

In it it basically said that this nuclear facility emits no radiation and you are a complete idiot. He just signed it.

He didn’t really read it and then halfway through the day they came up to him and said, ‘look some of the crew have been a bit loose with taking photos and stuff and you have a great voice, could you read this out for crew?’

So he read the declaration and when he got to that part he was all “aaaahhh!” So everybody kinda got got!

Pegg will keep! [laughter]

I actually, speaking of practical jokes. I had practical joke played on me many years ago by Viggo. Viggo Mortensen, have you heard of him? [sarcasm on full there] So I’m scheduled to go on a plane to shoot Chronicles of Riddick. Viggo calls my agent and speaks to her husband pretending to be me.

[does very bad voice] ‘Yeah G’day it’s Karl here.’ [laughter at the bad accent] Modifying some Australian. [more laughter]

‘I can’t leave ‘cause I don’t have my red socks. I need my red socks. I can’t get on the plane…[does noises like phone conversation breaking up]

And that’s the phone call basically. And this sends my agent into an absolute spin. She’s running around. She’s afraid the deal is going to fall over, I’m not getting on the plane, I don’t have my lucky red socks.

So she calls up to me and goes, ‘What’s going on? You’re not getting on the plane? I’ll buy you a fucking pair of red socks. You need to get on the plane!’ [laughter]

I’m like, ‘Jenny, what are you talking about?’ [laughter and Karl paused for a bit and mimed a thought occurring] ‘Viggo!’ [laughter and applause]

So about a month ago…. [laughter] This was about…Chronicles of Riddick was 2004. See, I don’t forget! A month ago I’m in Spain doing press for Dredd. Viggo has a movie called Un Plan which is opening up that same weekend and I’m talking to the Press and I realise my press day happens before Viggo’s press day. So here’s what I do.

I do my interview and then when the interview finishes and the reporters are going out the door I go, ‘Mate, tell you what, I’ve got a day off tomorrow. Really looking forward to that.’

They go, ‘Oh yeah, what are you doing?’

“Well, funny you should ask.’ [laughter] ‘My mate, Viggo Mortensen, bought a goat farm in Segovia! [laughter] ‘He’s got about a thousand goats! He’s making goat cheese. I’m gonna go and check that out! A thousand goats, have to be pretty bloody impressive mate!’ So I say this to every single press person. [laughter and applause]

It makes the six o’clock news. [more laughter and applause] It’s reported in the papers! Every single interview that Viggo does the next day is asking him about this goat farm in Segovia! You’ve got a thousand goats!

So I get the email from him.

Bastard! [laughter and applause]

He says, ‘Half way through I gave up denying and I just started to lie and was…I like the spotted goats because they fart less and their cheese tastes sweet.’ So he started going with it.

Yeah, Pegg will keep! [laughter]

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Full transcript here.

hannahology:

I AM CRYING I CAN’T RBETHE

OH GOD THE SECOND GIF ELLEN LOOKS SO CONCERNED OH GOD I WANT ELLEN AS MY MOM OR MY COOL AUNT

THAT EXPRESSION PEOPLE MAKE WHEN THEY’RE ABOUT TO FALL OFF A CHAIR

IT IS THE BEST EXPRESSION

(Source: degenerossi)

When I started, it was all meter maids or the sassy nurse, or the sassy receptionist in the hospital. And I felt like: Are those the only jobs that large, black women have?

Retta, on the roles she would be offered in Hollywood.

“Casting directors, who don’t necessarily know me — all they get are pictures. So they see your face, and they’re like, ‘Oh, we can place her in this or that.’ “

Check out NPR’s story on actors of color navigating stereotypes in Hollywood.

(via racebending)

[Scott hasn’t] had sex this season yet,” Posey lamented. “I got some last season. This season I got a motorcycle instead, which is pretty much like sex. It rumbles. It is between your legs.

I kid you not.

Never stop being you, Posey. Ever.

(via awasteofbytes)

greencarnations:

When it comes to fucking with your fandom, how do you rank yourself on a scale of Anne Rice to Misha Collins?

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Through Charles’ intelligence and sensitivity to each individual mutant he manages to draw a much more powerful creature out of Erik.  Which is kind of detrimental to him, as well, which is kind of the ironic thing. {x}

notaredshirt:

timeywimeygranger:

did you know david tennant sometimes slipped up with his accent for doctor who so RTD made him say “judoon platoon on the moon” in smith and jones just to mess with him x

small reminder that RTD’s DW spanks Moffat’s DW

(Source: piemakerandbeekeeper)

notthedroidyouarelookingfor:

LOTR extras
”He proceeded to sort of talk about some very clandestine part of WW2…
He seemed to have expert knowledge of exactly the sort of noise that they make so I just sort of didn’t push the subject any further, I just said ”Well you obviously know what to do, Christopher, so I’m sure you’ll do it great” and he did.”

#i’m not saying christopher lee has killed a man but i think we all know christopher lee has killed a man